Tell Your Mother You Love Her

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Tell Your Mother You Love Her

It has been seven years since my mother died, prematurely as far as I am concerned, but not for her, as she wasn’t functioning the way she would have wanted to. The amazing thing is that when I spend any time thinking about her, which is often, I still feel very sad at lost opportunities to really interact with her. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror that looks like mom, and am reminded of how much I miss her. There is no other person like your mother. It often takes most of one’s life to resolve differences and come to realize the significance of a mother’s love in one’s life. It is only then that one grows up.

I would like to impart this late learned knowledge to others who still have their mothers so that they will run over to their mother’s home, or immediately call them on the telephone, or send an email and tell them that they love them. Further, that they will be sure, especially if the mother lives a great distance away, that all is well with her. When adult children move away and get involved in their own lives it seems to be natural to and somehow justifiable to neglect or ignore the parents.

On the parents side, there are not always as many things to occupy them so some may be living very lonely lives unable or unwilling to let their children know just how much they would like to be a bigger part of the children’s lives without feeling like a burden, nuisance, or an extra.

When my mother was living alone after her mother and her husband died within a few months, I really didn’t know for a long time just how lonely and needy she was. I was very busy working and when I talked to her and asked how she was doing, she said she was fine, but she wasn’t. I wanted to hear that she was okay so was content with what I heard. I didn’t take the time to really find out how she was. She couldn’t function living alone after raising eight children, and taking care of her mother and husband. She didn’t have much of a life outside the family. It took too long for me to realize that she was lonely, had lost her purpose in life, and became depressed and then had some dementia. By the time my siblings and I realized her needs it was too late for us to make a significant difference in her life. It wasn’t that we didn’t care, it was just that we were all busy with out own lives and didn’t look beyond the surface.

We need to take the time. My advice to you is to call your mother. Ask how she really is and what she wants in her life. Ask how she is functioning. Ask if she enjoys living alone or needs to move in with family or needs to have family live with her. Ask how her health is and what she does to keep busy. Ask her what she enjoys and what she doesn’t like. Ask her about current events and what her opinion is on the latest news story. Ask her for advice on relationships and living. Ask her how she ever did such a good job raising her own family. Invite her over for dinner or out to lunch. Tell her how much you appreciate her part in your life. Tell her that you love her.