Friday, November 2, 2007

Why Aren't We Listening?

I have some things to say. I’ve been looking for the right place to say them and I believe that this is the place to start. I want to speak up and out loud about the plight of older women. The ones who can’t, don’t, or won’t, speak up for themselves.

Older women are being treated badly – being ignored, disrespected. Some are desperately lonely. They wonder if their lives matter to anyone. They are not recognized for the wonderful people they are, nor for the amazing things that they have done. Worse, their loneliness and desperation makes them vulnerable to scams and abuse.

Let’s be clear here. These are not nameless, faceless older women. These are your mothers and grandmothers. They should be revered, valued members of your families, but they are not.

I have had the opportunity in the course of my work as an LCSW and Geriatric Care Manager to come in contact with many older women. Some were ill and disabled and without much income and others were healthy, affluent, and mobile. But the most common and prevalent trait they shared seemed to be that they suffer in silence regardless of their health or economic well-being. They did not and would not make a scene; would not tell the family how they really felt or what they really needed. In just about all of the cases I came in contact with, there was a real and complete communications disconnect.

Do You Really Know Her? Or is She Just Mom?

When was the last time you asked your mother what she thinks about the war or the way things are in society? Wait. Let’s back up a minute. When was the last time you even called your mother or grandmother? Do you know what her favorite book is? Do you know what her hobby is? How about her biggest fear or concern – or wish or dream? Have you talked about what she where she would like to live if unable to take care of herself? Have you asked her if she’s able to take care of herself?

Do you know that she is an excellent knitter, bowler, or painter? Did you know that she volunteers to visit other older people who are lonely?

She has a lot to tell you and the family about her life, what she has done, what she thinks about you, and what she thinks will help you. She has much to share with you and with your children. How about having lunch one day soon and begin to get to know her?

Voices of Older Women: Blog and a Book

I have written a book, “Voices of Older Women: What They Want to Say and Why You’re Not Listening,” due to come out the first part of next year, about these wonderful older women, invisible to families and society, but very present to life. Some are desperate and lonely and others are thriving, having found new interests, talents, and activities. But all have one thing in common. They love their families and don’t see them enough and don’t feel comfortable conveying their need for contact, and sometimes assistance. They don’t want to impose on them. I interviewed 100 women from age 50 to 95 and found them to be courageous, thoughtful, caring, wise, and all with a story to tell, a message to convey, and love to share. These women are your sisters, mothers, aunts, and grandmothers. Get to know them.

Voices Of Older Women – both the blog and the book -- is a call to action. The older women hidden in our society, the Baby Boomers and Generation Xers need to get together and talk, to build trust, and learn from each other like we used to. Our older mothers and grandmothers have so much to teach us – how to grow old gracefully, with dignity, and with a conscience free from guilt. How will you navigate the last third of life’s journey? Because if you haven’t thought much about it, it is about to hit you in the face. Be ready!

Keep reading these posts and we’ll explore these issues and challenges together.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

Dear Grandma,
i like your new blog. Keep writing!

GRACE

SheriBabey said...

To My Dear Aunt,
I'm so proud of your accomplishments.

Sheri